"I know that!" All of that. Hell, he remembered discovering that Felix had cheated and feeling worse, at least for a moment, over Felix succeeding in destroying them than the destruction itself. It wasn't as if he didn't understand Felix, diagnosis or not. He knew Felix better than anyone, probably better than Felix knew himself.

And then Felix said all of that and Holden could barely even listen. Just watched Felix and loved Felix and then he had pushed away from the wall and suddenly he was kissing Felix and he didn't ever want to stop.

He was stupid that way. In love.