The hits had stopped coming and Holden was fairly sure he'd heard steps walking away. Maybe it was over. Maybe he was dying. He felt as if he couldn't breathe and he tasted blood, his ears were ringing and everything was agony and all he was thinking about was Felix. Who would tell Felix if he died here? Who'd be there for Felix? He couldn't even remember, right now, if he'd properly said goodbye to him today.
Fuck.
All right, he was still thinking. Still somewhat conscious. Maybe he wasn't dying just yet. He tried pulling himself up, his arm shaking. Only one arm, because his right arm wouldn't move in the right way. Felt like shifting bones. Had to be broken or something. The blood in his eyes made it hard to see, but he did make out the boy from before, staring at him.
"You need to go." He tried to speak calmly. "Come on. I don't want you getting hurt."
And clearly, it was not safe here. He leaned back against the wall and tried to remember where the nearest phone box was.
"Gideon?! Gid! Gid, move your fucking arse or I'm leaving you!"
Gideon ignored his dad yelling from the car and stared at the guy on the floor, bloody and bruised. He wasn't a bad sort, he even asked if he was okay while he was outside the bar alone. He seemed nice enough, he had the sort of smile that made him think he was a teacher or something - just seemed like he cared.
"Gideon!"
"Fuck off, I ain't coming! I'm gonna walk home!" Gideon yelled back and he knew his dad wouldn't stick around, not after a crime. He always fucked off and left Gid in the lurch. He heard his dad throw a sling of curses and the car revved up angrily, speeding off into the distance. Gideon was alone.
He stared down at the man and tried to decide what to do. "... You got a quid for the phone box?"
"Yeah... Somewhere." It was in his wallet in his inner jacket pocket, which seemed very difficult to get to right now. "Gideon. That's your name?" It was a nice name. Holden wondered whether Gid got hit by his father. Probably. He'd be shocked if he didn't.
He slowly managed to get his wallet, his fingers bloodied and every movement difficult. So he ended up just dropping the wallet on the ground. "You can take the money from there."
He certainly was in no position to fight him over it. "Leave me a quid. I'll get to the phone box. Eventually."
His wallet was worn leather, some cash inside, his cards. A picture of Felix that Remus had taken, a rare natural one. With that brilliant smile he had when he didn't even know it. Holden looked down at his wallet now, seeing the picture. Gave him a reason to keep going, that.
Gideon took the wallet from the ground and looked at the inside curiously. His dad always told him that if he saw a wallet, he should run as soon as he had his hands on it but he didn't think robbing a guy like that was fair. There was a picture in his wallet, some guy that wasn't him. He frowned and then opened the little pocket, pulling out the money.
"I can go and make the call but I dunno where we are."
He looked at the sign but he didn't know how to read so to him, it was no help. He knew it would say where they were though, his dad used it all the time to find his way around.
"What's the name of the bar again? I forgot." Gideon came over to Holden and crouched down, putting the wallet back into his hand so he didn't lose it. "... Please don't die."
"I won't die. Promise." Honestly, he had no idea, but the boy seemed concerned and Holden wanted to make him feel better. Anyway, he was really hoping he wasn't dying. "Do you know the number for the ambulance, Gideon?"
That was probably the best call to make, much as he wanted Felix to turn up and carry him to safety. Rather impractical, albeit romantic, fantasy. "We are right by..."
Damn, what was it again? Holden tried to remember. "The Corner. Something like that. Soho. Tell them that."
He closed his eyes, feeling so damn dizzy. "Go call and you can have all the money. There's a good lad."
"I'll be right back, don't die." Gideon asked again before he ran off without answered Holden fully. He knew how to call an ambulance, he'd done it for his mom before. He found the callbox and made a quick call, giving them the location and where he was. They asked for him to stay on the line but he didn't have enough cash and he had to be with the bloke who got decked.
Running back, he came over to Holden and crouched down next to him.
"The ambulance is coming. They said so. Said I was to wait and if I see it, to wave it down. So I'm gonna watch for you, okay?" Gideon looked at Holden, clearly unnerved by him, anxious about what to do now. "You should... think about something happy. That's what I do. When I'm in pain. You think about what you like, yeah?"
"Yeah, yeah. I am." He was, because he was also thinking about how it felt as if he was drowning in blood and maybe his lungs were filling with it as he lay here and maybe his brain was leaking out and he was freaking out very hard. So, trying to think of something happy? That was the only thing he could do to keep from completely losing it.
"You come with me in the ambulance, yeah? So I can buy you a reward later." He was a good boy. Good boy with a shitty dad, big shocker there. "I'll take care of you."
He muttered it, not even quite sure what he was saying. "You can meet Felix. Felix is amazing. He's so-- So beautiful, you know? When he's in a room, everyone looks at him. When he dances, it's like magic. Always flusters me. And he knows it too, the cheeky bastard."
"Look who's finally awake. I've been waiting for ages, I even started reading magazines. Did you know that the best new destination for a honey moon is Sri Lanka? Cause I now do." Felix playfully informed Holden, hiding away all of his hurt and pain to try and make sure that Holden felt safe when he woke up, smiling wide and lovingly at him. "I ate your grapes. Sirius brought 'em, I ate like half of them."
Felix pulled his chair closer and looked at Holden, bruised and bloody, still so furious and hurt, so angry that anyone would do this to Holden. He wasn't strong, he wasn't intimidating, he was just out there being a good bloke. Never bothered no one. So why?
"Y-yeah?" It ended up less certain than he'd have liked and more like a question, but then Holden reached out for Felix with his left hand, wanting to touch him. He was alive, then. Definitely alive, because everything hurt and he'd really hope that heaven would be a lot less painful. "Think I'm good."
Kind of. His head was swimming and-- "Where's the boy?" What had been the name again? "Gideon, where's Gideon? The boy who called the ambulance."
Holden tried to sit up, but then ended up coughing and sinking back down. Damn, his ribs hurt.
"Uhhh..." There was a boy that called an ambulance? Well, okay, that pulled some pieces together because they did ask if Holden had a son or a young relative with him and Felix had insisted he had no family when talking to the paramedics so -- so this was still weird but it made more sense. He gently pushed Holden back down. "Hey, hey, lie down. Come on, they kicked the shit out of you, your ribs are fractured. Not broken, thank God, but you don't want to be making any hasty moves."
Reaching out, he gently brushed Holden's hair from his face.
"I dunno about any kid, sorry. Gideon? Dunno. The paramedics thought you had a son but I don't know what happened with all of that. They just called me at 2am, telling me to get here." And he had no idea what to expect but it wasn't this. "What happened? You're always so careful..."
Holden let himself be pushed down, because he had decided after that short interlude that any movement was not his friend. He was wondering just what injuries he had. How bad he looked. Lying back, he tried to take stock. His right arm was in a cast, that made sense. He traced the fingers of his left hand along it, grounding himself as he looked at Felix. Even so, his heart was beating fast as he started retelling the story.
"There was this kid outside a bar. Gideon. He's six, seven. Tiny. So I asked him where his parents are. I mean, it was midnight or something." He had been concerned. And, yeah, maybe felt a bit of a throwback to times when he had been that age around drunk adults. "His father came out to yell at me, brought some mates. I wanted to walk away, they wouldn't let me."
He wasn't brazen the way Felix might have been or some of their other daring friends. He'd wanted to keep his head down. "Once I told them to leave me be, they had me pegged for an Irish queer." So that had been that.
Breathing out slowly, he was trying to not sound scared. Not be scared. It was over. "I reckoned they were gonna do me in." He assumed he had played dead convincingly enough to make them leave.
Felix wanted to kill them. He wanted to fucking kill them all for that. Holden wasn't trying to make waves, he was just talking to a lost kid who needed an adult. He held one of Holden's hands in his own and smiled at him. "It's okay, we're gonna find the bastards that did this. I'll make sure of it. I'll even get Aziraphale to sponsors our lawyers for this shit, it won't stand." He would make sure those assholes went to jail for attempted murder. "They're looking for the culprit, they have some leads based off who they interviewed at the bar. If all goes well, they'll take the kid off him and ... it will be fine."
He was sure anything would be better for that kid than living with anyone who could do this to a harmless bloke like Holden. "I won't let anyone do that again."
"Happens though, doesn't it? Happens all the time." Holden closed his eyes, hating that he wasn't braver and stronger right now either, that he was scared remembering it, scared of it happening again. Violence had always been a factor in his life. He'd never wished to not be gay, or short, or anything else he was, but he wished the world was a better place. That it could feel safe.
Instead, there would be kids like Gideon standing outside pubs while their dads got pissed inside. Bombs going off. People killed for being different in any way.
He hated it. "Gideon Fletcher."
Opening his eyes again, he found some determination, looking at Felix. "That's the boy's name. I asked him. I know my skull's maybe cracked, but I remember. He-- I want him to be safe."
He didn't care about the bastards that hurt him, there were always more of those. He just wanted that boy to have a better life.
Felix didn't like Holden going out by himself these days, which was great, because Holden didn't like it either. However, it was increasingly proving to be impractical. Felix had rehearsals to go to, Holden had a bookstore to run and they couldn't spend the rest of their lives in each other's arms.
Holden was mostly healed now anyway, physically. He needed help with washing his hair, lifting his arms over his head was difficult, but Felix was a great help with that. Remus was a great help with the store. And Felix could go back to rehearsals.
Usually Holden didn't go out any further than just outside the store to get the deliveries in, but he had realised they were out of milk. He could have waited for Remus to ask him to get some, but that was ridiculous. The store was just down the street.
So here he was, braving the outside. Walking down the street with hands in his jeans jacket and hating that he wondered if he was looking obviously gay. He wished he could be angry more than scared. He kept his gaze down and that was probably why he spotted him, lingering outside the store.
"Gid? Gideon!" Was he hallucinating? The boy had certainly been on his mind a lot. "Come here, lad, won't you?"
Gideon had been making it work since the coppers came for his dad. He managed to avoid the cops so far, not wanting to go to juvie or a home or whatever else. Instead, he crashed with his dad's mates or he slept in the park, he stole cash and food and he avoided any adults. It was mostly going well for him. Mostly. He could probably use a shower and he hadn't been eating much more than candy so his stomach was a bit off lately but otherwise, not bad. Better than dad.
He was a little bruised and battered, as he often was, sniffing idly as he looked at the comics at the news agents. He was idly scanning the Beano they had on a display outside, looking at the pictures when he heard someone say his name.
Eyes wide, Gideon put the comic back and looked at Holden for a few moments before he held his hands up.
"I wasn't doing nought wrong! I didn't do anything to you, I helped." Gideon protested, already expecting that Holden would be pissed. "I didn't even nick from you!"
"I know you helped." Holden wasn't surprised by the reaction, so he tried to show his sincerity plainly. "You probably saved my life, Gideon. I owe you big time."
It was maybe not even an exaggeration. Who knew when someone would have called an ambulance otherwise? "I want to say thank you properly." Gideon looked as if he'd been sleeping rough. Not surprising. Damn, he hoped he'd manage to help him. "Come in the store with me, yeah? I'll buy you whatever you want."
Then he just needed some way to get him to come with him. To trust him.
He did save his life. He knew that. He called the ambulance and it did pissed off his dad something fierce but he didn't mind. Dad was mad but Holden was alive and he didn't want anyone to die that night. Besides, dad might be arrested now but he wasn't a murderer so there was always a chance he'd get out of this and come pick him up. Then life could get back to normal.
"... You mean that?"
Gideon looked sceptical but he was hungry and thirsty, running low on cash and he yielded pretty quickly. "I guess I can, if you ain't messing me about."
"Yeah, I mean that." Holden held a hand out to Gideon, not surprised when he didn't take it. Instead Holden was the one to reach down and take Gideon's hand in his. A clammy, dirty hand, but he held it carefully as they entered the store.
He remembered a time when adults were all sort of things to him, but never caretakers. Never somewhere to feel safe and protected. He was hoping that he could turn that around for Gideon, just a little. "I'm here to get milk." And that was it, essentially. "Sahll we get a cart or a basket? What do you want, Gideon?"
"I dunno, why are you asking me?" He shrugged his shoulders and then looked for a second before nodding at the basket. "I'll get a basket, I can hold it and you just want milk anyway." And Gideon, even when offered the chance to have anything here, mostly had his mind set on small items. A fanta, maybe a sandwich, some chocolate and crisps. Nothing big, nothing difficult to carry around town.
He held the basket with both hands, not sure what to do about Holden holding his hand. It felt weird, he didn't do that much. Holding hands.
"That's the milk there." He pointed towards the fridge, trying to be helpful. "You want a pint or just a half?"
"Congrats, dad. I hear you got a child." Sirius returned near the end of break, having stepped outside to the payphone to call Remus. He called Remus most breaks, just to check in, sometimes to sing a love song to him, sometimes to keep him abreast of the newest gossip. Or the other way round, as it turned out.
"Remus says Holden is upstairs sleeping by the telly, with a little boy in his arms." Bit of a weird story, honestly. But it was Holden, so he wasn't the most shocked. Still, he felt he had to inform Felix of that new development. "You two adopting? Cute."
He thought Holden would be a great dad. He was less sure on Felix.
"He has a what?" Fucking hell. Felix exhaled in disbelief and then took another drag from his joint, wondering what the hell he was supposed to do about that. Did he find the kind? Did he know that he couldn't just take a kid? Christ, the heartbreak ahead. "I think it won't stick. I'm an AIDS riddled fag, no one is letting me adopt."
With a small sigh, he debated what to do now - should he just go home and handle it or wait until later. He didn't know what to do.
"It's his way of coping. With everything. He got very focused on this kid, you know? It won't end well but... I dunno what to do about it." So he didn't rush to do anything.
"Let's do another ten minutes!" Sirius called out to Minjun, who just nodded and waved it off, discussing something with the bloke in charge of effects anyway. Probably could do another twenty minute break before that discussion was over. Gave him time to talk to Felix, however.
"The son of the basher?" Sirius shook his head. "I don't think I get it. I mean, I feel bad for that kid too, but mostly I'd just wanna... I wanna kick the shit out of those bastards." He was angry. Like he had been over Remus's altercation a while back. And, yes, he had found them and won that fight, even if it had been nowhere near as serious as this.
"He still looks like hell. Don't think he should be taking on a kid."
"I do wanna fight them but I can't. What happens if I get my ass kicked? Then there's no one there for him. Then I go to hospital. Then I catch something. Then I'm dead and he's alone." It wasn't as easy for him. Sirius was free and young, not ill and able to take risks. Felix didn't take risks any more. He just accepted life was shit and tried to find other ways to help. "Time was, I would happily get my ass kicked but -- I got more to lose these days."
He took a long inhale and debated what to even do about his love and the kid and whatever this whole mess would bring.
"Holden was that kid, you know? Outside the pub while his dad got drunk, beaten by the old bastard, watching him be an abusive dickhead. I think he just wants to help the way no one helped him." As stupid as it all was. "Personally, I don't care but Holden can't not care."
"I guess he's like that. Really good bloke." Sirius frowned, confronting himself a little with the knowledge that he wasn't that good. Maybe that should have been his priority too. Stay with Remus at all times instead of going out to seek revenge that Remus didn't care about. That Remus didn't want, because he didn't like the risk.
Shaking his head, he tried to think about it some more. "It's hard to think about Holden as a kid. Easier with you."
Wait. "I guess cause I know more about that kind of life." He'd seen where Felix had grown up. No, they weren't as rich as the Black family, but it was still comparable. Sirius's parents were a nightmare, but in a very different way from Holden's. Remus's parents were pretty poor, but they were lovely. "I feel that growing up like that should make you a miserable bastard and he's all caring instead."
Really was a good bloke. "I mean, what would happen with a kid like that? Cause his father ain't coming home." He had heard the way Aziraphale of all people talked about it, who was funding their lawyers. Aziraphale was furious, in a very Aziraphale way. He'd be surprised if any of those involved in the bashing would be free within the next twenty years.
"A kid like that? Probably into the system. Holden said he looked around 7ish, could be older or younger. Probably older. No one wants older kids, they want babies. So I think he's just gonna be bounced around and churned out of the system as another thug like his dad." He knew that was the most likely option, he'd met plenty of people who went through that system. It was cruel and unforgiving. "If he had relatives to take him, the dad would have dumped the kid on them, right? So I assume he's on his own."
And wasn't that just bad luck. His dad wasn't coming back so - it was Holden's mission now, wasn't it? And how the fuck was he going to solve all of that.
"I think the best thing that could happen to that kid is Holden." Felix sighed and dropped his joint, stomping it out. "Personally, I don't want a kid. It's bad enough having Holden to worry about without another. Besides, I'm terrible with kids." He still was a kid, he couldn't be a dad!
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Fuck.
All right, he was still thinking. Still somewhat conscious. Maybe he wasn't dying just yet. He tried pulling himself up, his arm shaking. Only one arm, because his right arm wouldn't move in the right way. Felt like shifting bones. Had to be broken or something. The blood in his eyes made it hard to see, but he did make out the boy from before, staring at him.
"You need to go." He tried to speak calmly. "Come on. I don't want you getting hurt."
And clearly, it was not safe here. He leaned back against the wall and tried to remember where the nearest phone box was.
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Gideon ignored his dad yelling from the car and stared at the guy on the floor, bloody and bruised. He wasn't a bad sort, he even asked if he was okay while he was outside the bar alone. He seemed nice enough, he had the sort of smile that made him think he was a teacher or something - just seemed like he cared.
"Gideon!"
"Fuck off, I ain't coming! I'm gonna walk home!" Gideon yelled back and he knew his dad wouldn't stick around, not after a crime. He always fucked off and left Gid in the lurch. He heard his dad throw a sling of curses and the car revved up angrily, speeding off into the distance. Gideon was alone.
He stared down at the man and tried to decide what to do. "... You got a quid for the phone box?"
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He slowly managed to get his wallet, his fingers bloodied and every movement difficult. So he ended up just dropping the wallet on the ground. "You can take the money from there."
He certainly was in no position to fight him over it. "Leave me a quid. I'll get to the phone box. Eventually."
His wallet was worn leather, some cash inside, his cards. A picture of Felix that Remus had taken, a rare natural one. With that brilliant smile he had when he didn't even know it. Holden looked down at his wallet now, seeing the picture. Gave him a reason to keep going, that.
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"I can go and make the call but I dunno where we are."
He looked at the sign but he didn't know how to read so to him, it was no help. He knew it would say where they were though, his dad used it all the time to find his way around.
"What's the name of the bar again? I forgot." Gideon came over to Holden and crouched down, putting the wallet back into his hand so he didn't lose it. "... Please don't die."
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That was probably the best call to make, much as he wanted Felix to turn up and carry him to safety. Rather impractical, albeit romantic, fantasy. "We are right by..."
Damn, what was it again? Holden tried to remember. "The Corner. Something like that. Soho. Tell them that."
He closed his eyes, feeling so damn dizzy. "Go call and you can have all the money. There's a good lad."
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Running back, he came over to Holden and crouched down next to him.
"The ambulance is coming. They said so. Said I was to wait and if I see it, to wave it down. So I'm gonna watch for you, okay?" Gideon looked at Holden, clearly unnerved by him, anxious about what to do now. "You should... think about something happy. That's what I do. When I'm in pain. You think about what you like, yeah?"
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"You come with me in the ambulance, yeah? So I can buy you a reward later." He was a good boy. Good boy with a shitty dad, big shocker there. "I'll take care of you."
He muttered it, not even quite sure what he was saying. "You can meet Felix. Felix is amazing. He's so-- So beautiful, you know? When he's in a room, everyone looks at him. When he dances, it's like magic. Always flusters me. And he knows it too, the cheeky bastard."
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Felix pulled his chair closer and looked at Holden, bruised and bloody, still so furious and hurt, so angry that anyone would do this to Holden. He wasn't strong, he wasn't intimidating, he was just out there being a good bloke. Never bothered no one. So why?
"You okay, love?"
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Kind of. His head was swimming and-- "Where's the boy?" What had been the name again? "Gideon, where's Gideon? The boy who called the ambulance."
Holden tried to sit up, but then ended up coughing and sinking back down. Damn, his ribs hurt.
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Reaching out, he gently brushed Holden's hair from his face.
"I dunno about any kid, sorry. Gideon? Dunno. The paramedics thought you had a son but I don't know what happened with all of that. They just called me at 2am, telling me to get here." And he had no idea what to expect but it wasn't this. "What happened? You're always so careful..."
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"There was this kid outside a bar. Gideon. He's six, seven. Tiny. So I asked him where his parents are. I mean, it was midnight or something." He had been concerned. And, yeah, maybe felt a bit of a throwback to times when he had been that age around drunk adults. "His father came out to yell at me, brought some mates. I wanted to walk away, they wouldn't let me."
He wasn't brazen the way Felix might have been or some of their other daring friends. He'd wanted to keep his head down. "Once I told them to leave me be, they had me pegged for an Irish queer." So that had been that.
Breathing out slowly, he was trying to not sound scared. Not be scared. It was over. "I reckoned they were gonna do me in." He assumed he had played dead convincingly enough to make them leave.
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Felix wanted to kill them. He wanted to fucking kill them all for that. Holden wasn't trying to make waves, he was just talking to a lost kid who needed an adult. He held one of Holden's hands in his own and smiled at him. "It's okay, we're gonna find the bastards that did this. I'll make sure of it. I'll even get Aziraphale to sponsors our lawyers for this shit, it won't stand." He would make sure those assholes went to jail for attempted murder. "They're looking for the culprit, they have some leads based off who they interviewed at the bar. If all goes well, they'll take the kid off him and ... it will be fine."
He was sure anything would be better for that kid than living with anyone who could do this to a harmless bloke like Holden. "I won't let anyone do that again."
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Instead, there would be kids like Gideon standing outside pubs while their dads got pissed inside. Bombs going off. People killed for being different in any way.
He hated it. "Gideon Fletcher."
Opening his eyes again, he found some determination, looking at Felix. "That's the boy's name. I asked him. I know my skull's maybe cracked, but I remember. He-- I want him to be safe."
He didn't care about the bastards that hurt him, there were always more of those. He just wanted that boy to have a better life.
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Holden was mostly healed now anyway, physically. He needed help with washing his hair, lifting his arms over his head was difficult, but Felix was a great help with that. Remus was a great help with the store. And Felix could go back to rehearsals.
Usually Holden didn't go out any further than just outside the store to get the deliveries in, but he had realised they were out of milk. He could have waited for Remus to ask him to get some, but that was ridiculous. The store was just down the street.
So here he was, braving the outside. Walking down the street with hands in his jeans jacket and hating that he wondered if he was looking obviously gay. He wished he could be angry more than scared. He kept his gaze down and that was probably why he spotted him, lingering outside the store.
"Gid? Gideon!" Was he hallucinating? The boy had certainly been on his mind a lot. "Come here, lad, won't you?"
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He was a little bruised and battered, as he often was, sniffing idly as he looked at the comics at the news agents. He was idly scanning the Beano they had on a display outside, looking at the pictures when he heard someone say his name.
Eyes wide, Gideon put the comic back and looked at Holden for a few moments before he held his hands up.
"I wasn't doing nought wrong! I didn't do anything to you, I helped." Gideon protested, already expecting that Holden would be pissed. "I didn't even nick from you!"
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It was maybe not even an exaggeration. Who knew when someone would have called an ambulance otherwise? "I want to say thank you properly." Gideon looked as if he'd been sleeping rough. Not surprising. Damn, he hoped he'd manage to help him. "Come in the store with me, yeah? I'll buy you whatever you want."
Then he just needed some way to get him to come with him. To trust him.
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"... You mean that?"
Gideon looked sceptical but he was hungry and thirsty, running low on cash and he yielded pretty quickly. "I guess I can, if you ain't messing me about."
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He remembered a time when adults were all sort of things to him, but never caretakers. Never somewhere to feel safe and protected. He was hoping that he could turn that around for Gideon, just a little. "I'm here to get milk." And that was it, essentially. "Sahll we get a cart or a basket? What do you want, Gideon?"
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He held the basket with both hands, not sure what to do about Holden holding his hand. It felt weird, he didn't do that much. Holding hands.
"That's the milk there." He pointed towards the fridge, trying to be helpful. "You want a pint or just a half?"
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"Remus says Holden is upstairs sleeping by the telly, with a little boy in his arms." Bit of a weird story, honestly. But it was Holden, so he wasn't the most shocked. Still, he felt he had to inform Felix of that new development. "You two adopting? Cute."
He thought Holden would be a great dad. He was less sure on Felix.
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With a small sigh, he debated what to do now - should he just go home and handle it or wait until later. He didn't know what to do.
"It's his way of coping. With everything. He got very focused on this kid, you know? It won't end well but... I dunno what to do about it." So he didn't rush to do anything.
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"The son of the basher?" Sirius shook his head. "I don't think I get it. I mean, I feel bad for that kid too, but mostly I'd just wanna... I wanna kick the shit out of those bastards." He was angry. Like he had been over Remus's altercation a while back. And, yes, he had found them and won that fight, even if it had been nowhere near as serious as this.
"He still looks like hell. Don't think he should be taking on a kid."
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He took a long inhale and debated what to even do about his love and the kid and whatever this whole mess would bring.
"Holden was that kid, you know? Outside the pub while his dad got drunk, beaten by the old bastard, watching him be an abusive dickhead. I think he just wants to help the way no one helped him." As stupid as it all was. "Personally, I don't care but Holden can't not care."
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Shaking his head, he tried to think about it some more. "It's hard to think about Holden as a kid. Easier with you."
Wait. "I guess cause I know more about that kind of life." He'd seen where Felix had grown up. No, they weren't as rich as the Black family, but it was still comparable. Sirius's parents were a nightmare, but in a very different way from Holden's. Remus's parents were pretty poor, but they were lovely. "I feel that growing up like that should make you a miserable bastard and he's all caring instead."
Really was a good bloke. "I mean, what would happen with a kid like that? Cause his father ain't coming home." He had heard the way Aziraphale of all people talked about it, who was funding their lawyers. Aziraphale was furious, in a very Aziraphale way. He'd be surprised if any of those involved in the bashing would be free within the next twenty years.
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And wasn't that just bad luck. His dad wasn't coming back so - it was Holden's mission now, wasn't it? And how the fuck was he going to solve all of that.
"I think the best thing that could happen to that kid is Holden." Felix sighed and dropped his joint, stomping it out. "Personally, I don't want a kid. It's bad enough having Holden to worry about without another. Besides, I'm terrible with kids." He still was a kid, he couldn't be a dad!
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